Green

9" x 12" oil on panel

40th Birthday Self-Portrait 2-13-11

12" x 9", oil on panel

I'm not minding turning forty but it does feel different. At mid-life there comes a deeper looking at where one has been and where one would like to go. I'm feeling positively - that I've done alright and it will be alright. Appearing both strong and vulnerable, the gaze is penetrating as an artist's eye sees differently. Dots float in the background, incorporated into the figure in the eyes and round piece of white on the tip of the nose. The purple strap of my painting apron is painted asymmetrically, visually picked up by the delineation of the neck. I think I seem relaxed yet organized, structured. I've been wearing my hair in a way that is less controlled than when it was straight, going with the naturally wavy. It's looseness contrasts with the angularity in the picture. The oval cut black shirt mirrors the shape of the hair. Light comes from the right (I'm afraid this jpeg might appear overexposed but haven't been able to correct it). I might like to do this for every birthday. Paintings are made in time but this seems to accentuate the fact. It was very hard to paint, not because representation is difficult but because one has to wrestle with one's image until it feels right. The artist has to literally face herself, come to terms. There is nothing to do but move forwards.

Painting: January 2011

22" x 26", oil on canvas

I'm thinking of a convict tracking time with hatch marks in relation to my dots. I'm not using them to keep a calendar or with longing for the passing of time. The dots occur in time, however, as actions and records of a moment. Like the prisoner's marks, they result from my existence in time-space.

The convict is uncertain of the future, as am I. I don't think the convict has the same relish for making his mark, the drag of the pencil or chalk on the wall. His marks are numerical symbols. Mine incorporate vision, organization, and sensation. Both are emblematic of will. Both are of personal importance.

My dots are made with the love of painting and the belief that they, and hence painting, matter. I know what the paintings of others mean to me and so I persist, insist that they are relevant. Take a step back and its our collective hope that our lives matter. It's our will that makes it so. No giving up.

Oil Pastels: Studio #1-4

Studio #1 (gray orange tree)

Studio #2 (Window View)

Studio #3 (Gray Purple Tree)

Studio #4 (Blue Tree)

all are 18" x 12", oil pastel on paper

"I look forward to an America which will not be afraid of grace

and beauty...an America which will reward achievement in the

arts as we reward achievement in business or statecraft."

Remarks at Amherst College, 1963 - JFK