24" x 18"
oil on panel
It's a little goofy looking, I know, but that's me. Bright-eyed and smiling, my intense gaze is optimistic. What I am looking at is unseeable to the viewer and perhaps to me as well; I think I am looking towards what lay ahead. Butterflies frame my gaze, fly out of my head, and seem to be with me inside and out.
Butterflies are associated with nervousness and the body - butterflies in the stomach - as well as transformation. The movement they make, all that fluttering and quivering, makes them such a perfect metaphor for tremulous feelings. When I want to do something that is good for me but it involves stepping outside of my comfort zone, I try to make myself do it even if I am afraid. At the same time, I am careful not to take on too much in order to avoid being overwhelmed. In looking for internet sites relating to learning something new everyday, I found some fun things. Learning is related to total wellness and I think the balance of mind, body, and soul is very important for happiness.
Stylistically, Butterfly Self-Portrait, is related to the work of Abstract Expressionist Willem DeKooning. DeKooning's paintings of women took off from the cubist portraits of women Picasso did, but added supreme fluidity, and guts to a planar framework. They are tough and often ugly. Virtuosic, visceral, honest, and a "to hell with what anyone thinks" attitude make them favorites of many. There are also a lot of people who are put off by their aggressiveness. The attitude of stupidity the degree of fragmentation of the women raised the question of misogeny (many of Picasso's portraits of women seem to mock them, like the portrait of Dora Maar, Weeping Woman). I have also heard it said that DeKooning may have been painting about a difficult relationship with his mother.
In my painting, I kept the almost charicaturesque quality of these other paintings (it's a willingness to laugh at myself), but backed it with my sincere positive outlook. The painting is fluid and airy for those butterflies. I am not decked out in fancy clothes (or any for that matter) as it is all about taking a look at myself to see the essence of what makes me go. My fortune cookie this week read, "Accept yourself as you are." I do, but I don't like being bored, so...
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