New Growth (Self-Portrait)

oil on panel, 36" x 24"

This painting is related to last week’s post, Open-Mindedness in terms of its subject: a head with hands, and its content: flexible thinking. The head started out looking a lot like a mannequin, plastic, perfect in a Barbie sort of way. It was so flawless that I hesitated to touch it, but then realized it was necessary because I am not that ideal and do not aspire to be so false. The resulting portrait is bolder, not pretty. I thought of having “cross-section” as part of the title, but that would place to much focus on anatomy. There is an x-ray quality with the way the hair does not cover the entire head, the hands placed inside the head, and the suggestion of an esophagus. The hair is cloak-like, mysterious, symbolizing the unconscious, I think. The hands are expressive of active forces within my mind, perhaps external influences (the gray hand) and a creative drive that comes from within (red hand). The red hand is ambiguous with one small finger resembling a thumb. This was partially influenced by furniture maker Wendall Castle who has a piece on display at the Memorial Art Gallery in Rochester of a wooden hand with six fingers. Here it lends a bit of symmetry. The three central fingers sprout trees, hence the title New Growth. The trees are not static, but are swaying out there in the world. They symbolize my art as well as personal growth, both of which require some degree of suffering (struggle) as part of the process, shown by the wound on the forearm of the creative hand.

Open-mindedness

Digital Image

This is the image for the sign for "open-mindedness" that I came across in a sign language book. As hands hold special interest for me, it is appealing to think of the gesture having additonal significance. The resulting image is a lot like a sign, with its clarity and legibility. I am fascinated that the pictorial translation of the action allows for the hands and forearms to be outgrowths of the head, the mind. I chose a peaceful sea and sky to envelope the figure, connoting the tranquility of openmindedness. To be open-minded is to be receptive to new ideas and experiences, without losing oneself in the process. In this sense it connects to the exploration I am doing in self-portraiture as well as to our politically divided nation and global conflicts.

One hand almost appears to hold a cloud on a string, like a kite. The line/string is a part of the folds of the fingers, which becomes cloud and current. It is the transparency of the "upper hand" that reiterates the theme. The diction is concise, as is Chinese landscape painting. It is also a quality in Guston drawings, which I aspire to, and was fortunate to see this week at McKee Gallery.

Lunar Moth Self-Portrait

oil on panel, 36" x 42"

I seem to be on a roll with the self-portraits. This one owes a lot to the use of the tablet as a tool to reconstruct an image. It adds to the content of the Lunar Moth digital image from last week's post. I like that the moth looks like it just flew through my head, but is also a part of my head. Art that addresses spirituality has to love the ephemeral. It is painted in a way that combines technical control and loose brushwork. Modern dance has that precison of form combined with improvisation and visceral movement. Something about the flatness and division of shapes remind me of Mondrian, who was very exacting and painted to jazz.

I had an uncle who was an artist who has always been my role-model on how to live. When I was a little girl, he grabbed the brass rings for me while I rode on the carousel. He also gave me a tiny, gold ring when I was a baby. Those gold rings coming out of my head symbolize the people who have died who have made an impact on my life. "Grab the golden ring" is a "carpe diem" equivalent for me, but here it also suggests holding onto what is impossible to touch.

There is a large contrast between this new self-portrait and Self-Portrait Stepping Over a Threshold. Coming back home after the show in NYC, where I returned to family, friends, and my routine (including making art for the love of it), brought me back to center. It is a self-confident self-portrait. I also hope to be a positive person for others, as they are for me. There is a second way of looking at the head, if one follows the white curve on the left as the back of the head. It reminds me of "the man in the moon." Also in the fairy-tale vein, the head, end of the moth, and the manner that they are painted resemble an illuminated letter "Q", a cirle and tail. The "Q" would be for "queen" (not how I feel when I am cleaning the bathrooms), a metaphor for a strong sense of self (perhaps artistic self), solidity, autonomy. I've been interested in doing some things with crowns as spin-offs of the gold rings.

The painting was completed as the news came in regarding the Democrats taking the House, leading in the Senate, and Rumsfeld resigning. This change in government along with new innersoles gives me an extra bounce at Jazzercise and makes it feel as if Christmas has come early.

The moth wings also make for some funky sunglasses.

Lunar Moth

digital image

I am continuing to use linked circles. "Grab the golden ring" refers to the brass rings on the first carousels. Children tried to grab them while riding in order to win an extra time around. For me, they are about claiming one's life in an affirmative way, making the decision to live rather than exist, even if it means struggle. I will go further and say that reaching for the ring is an act of striving. The striving is not about productivity or the accumulation of wealth, but rather an openness to change and the pursuit of self-development. The rings are not here to symbolize an attempt to lengthen one's life, as if one could buy more time or cheat death, getting an extra turn on the carousel of life.

Lunar moths live about a week. The moths transform themselves in their short lifespans and become beautiful. Some people may say they are beautiful in every stage. "I am attracted to positive people like a moth is to light," is self-explantory. I love being around people who are not burned out, who have contagious enthusiasm; the kind of people that "light up a room." As we experience the darkness in the world, it is important that we don't allow it to hinder us in our paths into becoming our best selves. That is why twelve-step programs advocate removing oneself from the people, places, and things that encourage negative behavior.

Obviously there is a play on the word "lunar" here between the moth and the moon. The large circle, emanating light as well as gold rings, is the moon, but is also symbolic of the divine.

Here is a Luna Moth link:
http://www.ivyhall.district96.k12.il.us/4th/kkhp/1insects/luna.html